miércoles, 11 de septiembre de 2013

I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year

It might be not surprise if I tell that we´ve been invaded by a box flood
It´s more like an ocean, actually.
 There are so many boxes at home right now that there´s hardly any space for us, and we (poor souls!) have to swim among the cardboard waves to do anything.
Ok, maybe I am exagerating a tiny bit (me, really?), but The Gentle One and I are feeling a little bored about all this packing up madness. Indeed, a couple of days ago we started needing  to do something else than placing our personal belongings into boxes, so cheerfully decided to go out for a coffee or at least some fresh air.

That´s the good thing about Spain: you always find the opportunity of having both things at the same time, even on September. 
For a few more days, we won´t feel the coldness of Autumn coming. Instead, we can still wearing summer clothes while we have cool drinks on a sunny terrace. And that´s exactly what we did, we flew to our favourite private garden, a place where you can spend the evening surronded by bunches of precious flowers.

Sunglasses : Primark  / Dress and belt: New Saks /  Tights : C&A /   
Shoes : H&M/
  Bag : DIY (mum´s work) /  Necklace: DIY (me) / Tiara:Claire´s

 We were just enjoying the day and taking the chance to make a smallie photoshoot when I heard the most funny comment coming from a lady: 'Oh look, she is all dressed up. She must come from a wedding!'.
She was staring (and pointing an inculpatory finger) at me as she passed through the street with a friend.
Believe me or not, it took me a couple of seconds to understand I was the focus of such a comment.

Well, I think this person was not being intentionally negative.
She couldn´t just assume that my clothes were a normal/daily outfit to me. These days anything other than jeans is considered "overdressy". And if someone judges you are overdressing, it automatically means you are a frivolous person, who is looking for extra attention and can´t be interested about serious issues. After all, if someone makes such an effort to dress up, this person must have no responsabilities at all, right?

Over the years, I have dealt with tons of comments like that (and not to mention about the gothic-look).
Not a long time ago I received a similar comment from a colleague: 'Don´t you feel akward on your dress with this rainy weather?' No, I didn´t. Indeed, I think stocking tends to get dry easier than jeans.

The way in which we judge other people´s appearance is mad, making all kind of weird assumptions.
 Are you a goth? You must be promiscuous!
Do you pay "too much" attention to your look? You must be superficial!

I consider myself a well-balanced and professional person. I have lots of other interests apart from fashion, and (oh, surprise, surprise!) dressing up is not an effort to me. In fact, is not dressing up at all. It´s just my way of dressing. I don´t know why, but I find more comfortable wearing dresses and skirts than trousers.

I don´t like being judgemental, but maybe those comments come from people who feel a bit threatened, only because they mistakenly think you did some effort to look nice and they didn´t.
For instance, in one occasion I even heard a girl excusing herself for wearing non-gothic clothes (I was wearing a black silky dress that day. We had met the previous weekend on a gothic-friendly party, where she would wear a very radical outfit). Of course, I didn´t care about her clothing. I don´t pay too much attention to other people´s look, but this girl kind of felt bad about her appearance.
 Obviously, that was her fault, not mine, but it was a little sad she thought I was judging her...
I´d like people to stop asking if I have a job interview, a Halloween party, or a fancy cocktail just because of my outfit. Clothes represent an artistic and creative way to externalize my personality, but it´s not the only one.

Wouldn´t be everything better if we could forget about first impressions?
Wouldn´t be everything better if we could just be ourselves?

21 comentarios:

  1. You have worded this so perfectly. It's an issue I face frequently, too, and it makes me sad. I will admit that I wish more people felt liberated to express themselves more with their wardrobe, and also that people place would place more value on how they present themselves in terms of personal appearance. I frequently hear "why are you so dressed up?" or "aren't you uncomfortable?" People have assumed I'm "high maintenance" because I dress nice and wear lots of makeup - yes, it does require maintenance but that phrase implies I behave like a shallow, petulant princess just because I take the time to make myself look nice. I think that's less shallow than using the time watching TV or something.

    Like you, I find dresses and skirts so much more comfortable, both physically and psychically, and would prefer it if others didn't make such a fuss over it! I love it when it is a respectful, quiet compliment but I don't like anyone to go on and on, question it, or act like it's a character flaw on my part! People also assume that someone dressing Goth must want attention, which is so untrue in a lot of cases. It makes me so uncomfortable. I just do what I think is attractive to me and to my husband, not to get attention from strangers.

    Well, your post today really got me ranting, but I can't forget to add that you look SO LOVELY in these photos. I like to think that ladies like you raise the bar a little bit wherever they go, and that will eventually rub off on a few other people and you've made a positive little impact on the world. :)

    1. I really hate it when it comes to generalization of characters, clichés are an expressway to prejudice and underestimation. And totally see what you mean with all the "high maintenance" thing, because I have to deal with that myself. Unfortunately, there are plights which are even worst from my point of view. For instance, people tend to think that women who are interested about fashion must be a little pinhead. I have experienced that myself. At college I had a couple of teachers who used to be condescending to me because of my appearance, and I had to fight really hard to change that, which is just nasty.

      Anyway, thank you very much for your nice words. I don´t think I am that special, but hope to change a bit the bad first impressions people might experience.♥

  2. What's funny about that sort of commentary is that putting on a dress and stockings requires the same effort as tugging on jeans and a shirt in the morning! Instead of buying shirts I just buy dresses and various weather stockings ... fleece lined stockings in the winter are warmer than any pants I've ever owned!

    You look lovely in these photos! The cat eye glasses & sleek black dress are a stunning combo. :)

    1. I don´t really get the "discomofort" theory. I suposse they figure out skirts are hard to wear just because they don´t wear them themselves... Otherwise, they would stop making such a fuss over it.

  3. I do agree you 100%, i think its specially an iberic thing, women both in spain and Portugal dont have themselves in great account, they go from dressing up like whores in the weekend to look completely frumpy in the week, and they judge you when you dress a little better, you are all that things you said or you are doing it for the atention, its ridicolous.
    I dont wear trousers/pants at all, i am overweight and even before that i found them very unconfortable, i prefer dresses ,stockings or leggings and i like to wear my headbands and flowers and simple black dresses to work, off course i ear the same things all the time.
    I am a woman, and i love to be feminin, i cant understand how women specially will criticise it so much.
    You look amazing and classical like i mention before on instragam, a muse of autumn, in the end of this hot Summer time, i love to see you dress up and i expect lots of post like this, because they are really inspiring.
    About the boxes, how i understand you, Ive been here since 1 of september and i still have boxes to undo, time will be our friend!


    1. You described perfectly the situation here in Spain: on the weekend women wear on a very ordinary way (really short skirts, big necklines, ugly colours both on makeup and clothes...) and then, on Monday, they look like teenagers wearing all those awful jeans. Styling is like a capital sin, not only for dark-inclined ladies, but also for elegant women in general. Sometimes I even find it funny. For example, when you go out for a fancy dinner at your fav restaurant and you realize you are the only one dressing appropiately. Even then people look at you up and down.

      Aw, and thankie for all the huge blandishment! I expect to do more "dressing up" posts :)

  4. I just guessing, but here in Sweden, people dress even worse, everyone looking like they came from a trekking or something. I can't say I'm different, somethimes I just put on my clothes not makeup or even jewellery and feel extreemely boring. I love to see dressed up people and I think it is extremely rude to judge well dressed people in advance. If a coworker of mine is nicely dressed I always give a kind compliment, not a rude question.
    I so agree with you about trousers and especially jeans that I think are so uncomfortable. Sometimes when I feel dressed down, I can comfort me that I wearing a dress .

    1. As I said before, I don´t really care about other people´s look, but they do give offense when they are rude. Here in Spain is a little bit the same: the "mass" is not glamourous at all. It looks like they come from the gym all the time... I guess it is a general thing now, you know, we live in a global world now, for the worst or the better.

  5. I cannot agree more! I believe we all have stumbled upon such people and their harsh comments. I have heard comments such as "Do you have a special licence for walking the streets like that?" or "Oh look she looks like that Morticia person!" and what I always do is smile and move on. People tend to criticize a person by what they see and I believe that won't change for a couple of generations.
    I don't want to get you down in any way, but if you received these kinds of comments a lot in Spain, be prepared for a double number in Bucharest.
    People are very rude and judgmental about anything they haven't seen before.
    A good way to cope with it is to always travel with headphones! It helps not hearing when such rude comments are being thrown at you. I've had people throw gloves at me when I wasn't paying attention to their babbling or even being followed by such individuals.
    Sorry for the huge comment! :*

    1. Oh, don´t worry: I am used to all kind of bad manners these days. Spain is not different in relation to that, specially here in the North-West. I mean, people can be quite polite at big cities like Madrid and Barcelona, but it´s very different over here. Galicia (that´s my region) is more like the countrifired type, with lots of small towns and villages. I live in Santiago de Compostela, which is the most cosmopolitan city of the area and where countrymen are used to deal with tourists and international students, but even so, they are pretty unfriendly to "strange looking" fellows. Anyway, I´ll take your tips into account.

      And don´t worry about the big comment, I like those :)

  6. People *really* need to mind their on business. It's so true, what you said about being labeled as "overdressy" just because you aren't wearing jeans and a t-shirt. When I get these comments, I'd like to reply: "Yeah, well, your outfits always look kind of sloppy to me but it's not like I'm giving you unwanted comments, is it? So why shouldn't you keep your mouth shut about my clothes?"
    I mean, who effing asked them...?
    Also, I have black lace dresses like yours, and I like to match them with fishnets, but never would I wear such an outfit at a wedding (black and short at a wedding...? With fishnets...?), much less to a funeral (a bit too elegant).
    I don't get why, just because it's not "an occasion", I shouldn't wear fancy stuff. After all ,it's fancy to them, but it's absolutely normal to me. And by the way what I put on it's none of people's GD business.
    Gah. By the way, you looked lovely in that outfit :) the great thing about living in Southern Europe is still getting to feel some sunshine ;) (I live in Italy and during the day it's still hot outside).

    1. "Yeah, well, your outfits always look kind of sloppy to me but it's not like I'm giving you unwanted comments, is it? So why shouldn't you keep your mouth shut about my clothes?" You made me laugh really hard! That´s exactly what I think when I get mad about their rude comments.

  7. You look gorgeous in all of those photos!

    It is incredibly irritating that people assume that you are high maintenance because you make an effort with your appearance. The woman who made that comment about you probably would have complained that you looked sloppy if you hadn't been dressed up - some people just like something to complain about. I work in a shop so I get comments about my appearance all the time, almost like customers think that because I work on the shop floor and deal with customers that it's perfectly fine to make comments about the way I look, especially regarding my piercings. Fortunately, I went to a very bad school where I had to endure very nasty comments and actions on a daily basis, and in the end I developed a very thick skin. Sometimes, I don't think people realise how rude they are being, and they seem to think that me dressing the way that I do somehow gives them permission to make comments. It's incredibly bizarre.

    Anyway, that woman was probably just jealous that you looked so lovely!

    1. I don´t really think that woman wanted to be intentionally rude, she was commenting to her friend with a normal tone, not really yelling or anything. But it was irritating anyway, I don´t understand why people comment on other fellow´s look in public. That´s not something I do, my parents told me how to be polite. And the pointing finger made me really mad!

  8. Same goes too for gyaru or any other ellaborated fashion...
    Also i get pissed when i do make up or try to pick up carefully which clothes wanna wear and I got said "don´t over dress up is just...whatever" so what? pisses me off so much!

    1. Well, many people can be green with envy sometimes, so don´t take teir coments too seriously. That´s what I try to do myself at least.
      I am sure Gyaru style is also very sophisticate, maybe the general public is not ready for elegence :P

  9. Great text!

    Wow,you're so stylish,jealous <That dress<3 Gimmeeee:D

    1. Hi there! It´s always nice to know new readers :)
      And thanks a lot for the sweet words ♥

  10. You look amazing and I love your blog! I'm going to follow you!


  11. Somehow I missed this post, I have so much stuff to deal with now, but I must say I totally agree with you. I still meet so many people that dont understand me as they judge me by the way how I look. It doesnt matter if Im dressed black or retro black or whatever you can call it, I am usually seen as a weirdo. C'est la vie :/
    But speaking of black, I love this lace dress of your yours! and your sunglasses too! :)